Okay, I deliberately gave myself a month to step away from R&I to see if I was overly critical or my perspective would change (plus, the start of a new year/business quarter is always extremely hectic).
I sampled other shows. Singing/lying teenagers, lusty Canuck monsters, and soap operas en español y otros idiomas just don’t cut it for me because I don’t want to sit and sift through ensemble shit in order to get to the paltry good stuff.
So, I forced myself to watch the season two finale of R&I again and, um, I’m sticking with my original reaction…
WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK WAS THAT???
WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK WAS THAT???
No, seriously. What was that? Someone please explain it to me because I’m confused. And sad. And angry.
The level of foppery only grew. Allow me to demonstrate the bêtise with faux dialogue:
Jane: “I’m so sorry I most likely fatally shot your biological mob boss father for a weak excuse, at best, while your mega rich adopted mother, after being run down by a rogue firefighter, is fighting for her life in ICU because she saved your life by pushing you out of the way.”
Maura: “I’m so sorry my mob boss biological father shot the FBI dude (and potential baby daddy if this show parallels the book series) you chose to bang all night instead of being by the side of your “best friend” who was almost run down by the aforementioned rogue firefighter and whose mega rich adopted mother continues to fight for her life in ICU. By the way, weren’t you supposed to be involved with a soldier dude? Slut! Now, let’s hug it out, hit the reset button, and be LLBFFs again because even the straight audience won’t tune in to a show where the two leads despise each other.”
Maura: “I’m so sorry my mob boss biological father shot the FBI dude (and potential baby daddy if this show parallels the book series) you chose to bang all night instead of being by the side of your “best friend” who was almost run down by the aforementioned rogue firefighter and whose mega rich adopted mother continues to fight for her life in ICU. By the way, weren’t you supposed to be involved with a soldier dude? Slut! Now, let’s hug it out, hit the reset button, and be LLBFFs again because even the straight audience won’t tune in to a show where the two leads despise each other.”
Jane: “Yay!”
Maura: “Yay, now help me find my evil twin!”
Maura: “Yay, now help me find my evil twin!”
Jesus, all we need is for Jane and Maura to open up a winery and it’s fucking Falcon Crest 2.0 -- while you’re at it, dig up Jane Wyman for Korsak’s new love interest why dontcha?
Honestly, I expected more from Janet Tamaro. Unlike the Rob Taperts and Joss Whedons of the producer world, my fellow possessor of Fallopian tubes should have done better.
And you still can, Janet. It’s not too late. PLEASE, for the love of God, think long and hard during this hiatus about the direction of season three. Hire some new writers, a better showrunner, and be willing to sacrifice some of the supporting players who are pretty much cluttering up the screen and taking precious minutes away from our gals (I’m directly giving you the stink eye, Lorraine Bracco)!
Now, I would love to chalk this up to a sophomore slump if you commit to making the remaining few seasons count. Let’s face it, this show won’t be lasting a decade like some other ones that are just crying out to be euthanized. One or both actresses will pull a Kyra Sedgwick and say ‘see ya’ and rightly so. Let’s hope R&I recaptures some of that lost glory before they do and before we do.
Several years ago, I finally reached that plateau where watching straight chick drama simply wasn’t enough anymore. By pure accident, I found out about the R&I premier and this show lured me back for a bit. That being said, I’m not about to sit around for six seasons wishing and hoping for microscopic morsels and a satisfying resolution; those days are done. Fool me once…
Finally, here’s to two of the most beautiful women to ever walk the face of the earth, combined with the glory of flash photography and mesh -- enjoy; )
